Hanging out in the cemetery
by Lintu68
Summary: Just a funny one shot. Stephanie and Lula are hanging out in the cemetery, waiting for a grave robber.


_A/N: This is just a funny short that was a challenge for another board. The challenge read: Based on the cover blurb of LMT, write a paragraph/short story as if you were writing a part of the book. The blurb that I used was: _

_"Are you hanging out in a cemetery waiting for a grave robber in need of a new suit?"_

_Warning: Some language._

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**Hanging out in the cemetery**

Lula and I had been hiding behind a large grave stone for hours now. It was raining and cold and dark and I was wet and miserable. Plus my ass had fallen asleep about half an hour ago. You'd think the son on a bitch grave robber would have shown up already.

"Why are we doing this again?" Lula asked, a hint of uneasiness in her voice.

"Stanley's worth a lot of money to us." And frankly it seemed like a really good idea earlier tonight. In my warm, cosy apartment, that is. Right now I couldn't quite remember why we decided to stake out the cemetery. There has to be at least a dozen better ways to catch a homicidal maniac with a thing for robbing graves, right?

"I knew this was a bad idea" Lula said. Hiding at the abandoned cemetery late at night waiting for a known murderer a bad idea? I don't see the problem.

Oblivious to my thoughts, Lula continued her ramblings. "And now I'm getting hungry on account of all this rain and all our food is gone."

"That's because you ate it all within the first hour." I was starting to feel cranky and just a bit freaked out by the eerily quiet cemetery.

"I know I have some bacon here somewhere." Lula said, digging around in her purse, coming up with nothing. "Maybe he's spotted us and won't show at all?" she added, a hopeful tone in her voice.

I took a good look at Lula. She was dressed in a full out stalking outfit, complete with black spandex pants, black turtle neck and knee high black stiletto boots. Too bad she was still sporting bright orange hair. Not exactly inconspicuous. If he'd come from behind us he would be miles away by now.

"Probably he's just running late or something" I said, "you know, places to go, people to chop." I took a moment to consider the yuck factor of that statement before giving a deep sigh. "Maybe we should just go home."

"Hell yeah, finally you talking business white girl."

I was just standing up and trying to shake some feeling back into my ass when there was a distinct sound of someone cursing. Lula and I both froze mid motion.

"Holy shit." Lula whispered, eyes big. "You think that's him?"

"Can you think of anyone else roaming the cemetery in the middle of the night?"

"Aside from us two idiots?"

We carefully peeked out from behind the grave stone, and sure enough there was a dark form some forty feet ahead of us. The person was moving slowly, dragging a large heavy-looking bag behind him.

"Probably it's just a grieving widow." Lula offered. Yeah, taking her dead husband out for a stroll in the moonlight.

We watched with fascination as the person suddenly dropped what he was dragging, and loudly started cursing the bag, kicking it with all his might.

"Yeah, probably not a widow. I'd say that's Stanley alright."

"Okay" I started, "here's the plan. You distract him, and I sneak up on him from behind and zap him."

"Nuh-huh, I ain't playing bait for no body-chopping grave robber. You can be bait, and I'll zap his sorry ass."

I sighed. "Fine."

Now for the hard part. It's not like I could just walk up to Mr. Grave robber and ask for the time and hope that he would just stare at me until Lula zapped him with the stun gun.

I slowly made my way towards him, hoping Lula was getting into position behind him. When I was just a few feet away, he looked up from his kicking and noticed me. For a second he just stared at me, and then quickly reached down to the ground, picking up a large axe that I hadn't noticed before. You'd think you'd notice something like that, but apparently even the best bounty hunters make mistakes.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Get lost!"

"You missed your court date. I'm here to escort you to the police department to reschedule." I said, pointedly ignoring the large bag on the ground.

"Like hell you are."

I could see Lula inching closer from behind, trying to stretch her arm as far as it would go in order to keep away from the highly effective axe Stanley was swinging rather haphazardly. Just when she was about to go for the kill, she slipped in the mud, landing flat on her ass.

Stanley turned at the sound and spotted Lula.

"You crazy bitch!" he screamed. "You were gonna zap me, weren't you?!"

I could see Lula go into rhino mode. "Oh no you didn't. You did NOT just call me a bitch!"

"Yeah I did," he said, waiving the axe in circles above his head. "and I'll do it again. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch." he sang in a silly voice, all the while swinging the axe around.

"You freakin' wacko." Lula screamed and charged at him, head first. Apparently even nut jobs find a huge black woman charging at them a bit scary, because he gave out a loud squeal and dropped the axe. Lula hit him with full force in the middle of the stomach. They went down in a big pile, Lula on top. She grabbed the stun gun from the ground were it fell earlier and moving away from Stanley held it to his neck. She pressed the switch, but nothing happened. Stanley looked perplexed for a second before starting to laugh.

"You crazy bitch can't even get the stun gun to work." He was cracking up, rolling around in the mud, holding his stomach. Lula shook the stun gun viciously and gave it another go. Buzzing loudly against Stanley, it finally made him go limp. Lula was just about to get up when the stun gun gave another loud buzz, bright blue light flashing everywhere. It sent Lula back to the ground unconscious, before it finally died, sizzling in a puff of smoke. I guess electricity and rain don't mix too well.

I quickly cuffed Stanley and sat down to wait for Lula to wake up. I was never going to get Stanley to the car by myself. I'd only been sitting down for a second when the skies opened up, turning the light drizzle into a downpour of epic proportions. I couldn't wait for Lula to wake up, we needed to get inside now.

I needed a ride and I really didn't want to call Morelli. I just don't think he'd be too happy about me stalking out the cemetery. It was the middle of the night, so I couldn't call dad. Sighing I grabbed my phone from my soaked jeans and hit speed dial one. He answered at the third ring, voice rough from sleep.

"Babe? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But I have Stanley the grave robber unconscious and chained up at the cemetery, and Lula is currently… incapacitated."

"Only you Babe."

"Can you please come get us?"

"Fine, but you're going to owe me. Big time."

I hesitated only a second before I felt the rain increase in strength once again. "Fine"

"Be there in ten."

And he hang up. I looked down at Stanley and Lula in a pile on the ground. Ranger was going to have a field day when I try to explain this.

End...

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_A/N: Reviews are always welcome and very appreciated._


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